Sexual Abuse/Other Abuse

Few things leave a mark on someone's life more than sexual abuse or other severe emotional or physical abuse. We tend to fall apart, numb out, withdraw, or attack. We learn a very defensive approach to the world that can be difficult to alter later. We become afraid of others, ourselves, and/or our environment.

Undoing these patterns takes awareness and work. But it can be done. Therapy and support groups can provide a "safe place" to talk about ones experiences and to learn that one was not at fault for the abuse. Self esteem can be developed and self-confidence increased. Anxiety and other symptoms of posttraumatic stress can be lessened. Life can become much more enjoyable and meaningful.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse can be overt and blatant (molestation) or covert and subtle (being dressed as a child in provocative clothing.) It "explodes" the feelings of a child. The following information is provided to give the lay person some idea about the nature of sexual abuse.

What are the general signs of sexual abuse?

Depression

Feelings of loss and grief
A lack of energy
Problems with memory
Poor self esteem
Excessive worry about ones body and appearance
A feeling of being powerful in a malignant way
Wanting to die

Anxiety

Fear of authority
Fear of being touched
Fearfulness of perpetrator
Need to be in control
Regressive behavior
Fear of intimacy
Dissociative symptoms
Feelings of detachment
Excessive time spent in fantasy
In severe situations, multiple personality, post traumatic stress, etc.
Keeping unnecessary secrets
SHAME (the feeling of not "measuring up")

Physical problems

Headaches
Gastrointestinal problems
Bleeding
Sexually transmitted diseases

Sexual symptoms

Sexual preoccupation in thought and conversation
The need to reenact event--repetition compulsion
Sexually precocious behavior

How do these symptoms look during childhood and adolescence?

In infancy

Failure to thrive
Withdrawal
Fretfulness
Whining, crying
Clinging
Speech problems

During early childhood

Thumbsucking
Scratching, picking
Self-injurious behavior
Conduct disturbances
Sleep difficulties
Compulsive or inappropriate sexual behavior/seductiveness
Excessive sexual knowledge

During middle childhood

Sexual symptoms as above
Depression, suicidality
Nightmares, insomnia, night terrors
Pseudo mature behavior
Fears and phobias
School and social functioning impaired
Startle responses (being "jumpy" and easily surprised)

During early adolescence

Acute anxiety
Rage
Sexual promiscuity
Social withdrawal/good girl behavior

What factors influence severity of disturbance?

Duration and frequency of the abuse
The age of victim at time of abuse
The type of sexual activity involved
Overt
Covert
Penetration of body parts
Use of force/violence
Age, gender, and relationship of perpetrator
Response of responsible others--parents, teachers, law enforcement officers

What type of people tend to abuse?

Those who were made into adults during childhood
Those who feel like they can't allow themselves to be nurtured
Emotionally undeveloped and starved adults
Morally rigid individuals
Those who feel the need to lead to control their feelings
Those with poor interpersonal skills
Both men and women
Those who were abused
Those who struggle with shame/anger/rage related to sexual issues

Who do the victims tend to be?

The more vulnerable child (the child who is more emotionally and/or circumstantially dependent)
The more accessible child
Often, family members

Preventative measures for anyone who works with children or families

Evaluate your own general comfort with interpersonal relationships..work on your acceptance of your emotional needs
Be aware of especially intense feelings for any particular child
Be careful of any relationship with a child that you feel the need to keep secret in any way
Watch out for "grooming" behaviors
- Developing a relationship with a family in order to be near one of the children
- Spending significant periods of time alone with any child
- Doing special favors for a child
- Seeking to establish yourself as an emotionally important person to one particular child
Listen to the feedback of others - to their comments about your relationships with children or a particular child
Be honest with yourself about your fantasies
Don't be afraid to seek out help way earlier than you may feel necessary - start with a peer consultation if you have to when you begin to feel anxious
Address the issue of embarrassment and shame quickly before it ties you up in knots

The person who has experienced sexual abuse
should seek professional help.

The person who feels tempted to abuse
should seek professional help.

Period.

Other Forms of Abuse

Other forms of abuse can have similar symptoms, though they will tend to be more like the original form of abuse or its opposite. Violence leads to violence or extreme passivity, etc.

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Children who grew up in homes where there was alcoholism were typically exposed to one form of abuse or another. Even the "quiet" alcoholic--the one who never yelled or threw a lamp--often deprives a child of any interaction and leaves a serious wound.

For More Information

A healthy mind says:

David C. Bissette, Psy.D. Alexandria, VA 703-705-6161